Guidance - 03.03.2023

I used to look to my dad for help when I wasn’t sure how to handle something. Growing up, he was the only person that I ever felt comfortable with.

I have a sadness that comes over me now.

It comes in waves.

I know that part of it is due to the fact that I can’t sit down and talk with him and expect to be listened to. No comforting words, no stories from his experiences, no fatherly advice, no harsh truths.

There’s something else though.

I feel like I’m hurtling through life without control.

I’m so grateful for my wife & kids.

I think that I’m blessed to have a job, and pay bills, and feed my family.

Then there are times that I feel cursed.

It’s as if everything is so fragile. Hanging on from a single thread. I don’t feel like I have control from one day to the next. At any moment that single thread can be cut and turn my world upside down.

It scares me.

I want to talk to my dad about it.

I can’t. I miss him.

I want to feel better for my kids sake. I want to know that what I’m doing is right, and that it matters. I struggle to hold on to the meaning.

Everything comes and goes in waves of emotion.

It’s not easy.

It’s life?